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I Don't Know

So, for those who aren't aware, I'm really indecisive. Sometimes it's not too bad, but more often than not, when someone asks me to make a choice, I freeze up. Even if it's something as simple as "Where would you like to go for lunch?" or "which colour of this do you like better?", I can't do it.

So, when I defer the choice to you, fucking choose, okay? Because when I ask you to, it's because I need you to. It's not me being lazy, or apathetic. It's me being unable to make a decision, and you not understanding that is really obnoxious, okay?

It's worst when someone either frames it as "just choose! It's not that hard!" or as (I HATE THIS SO MUCH) if my complete shutdown in the face of making a decision is somehow entertaining. I assure you, were you on my side of things, you would see it differently.

The bottom line is: If, upon your asking me something, I request that you choose? I have a reason for doing so. It is my right to defer that choice, and you trying to force it back onto me is both discourteous and, frankly, a source of psychological distress to me. It hurts when I try to force a choice, mmkay?

And that's something I'm sure of.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 1st, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC)
My partner is same in this regard. As someone who is decisive as fuck, it has taken me some time to adjust to his perspective and frame things in ways that work for him. I'm glad you wrote this.
Dec. 1st, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC)
I have this at times -- and there's the terror and anxiety and panic that comes of actually making decisions. Knowing it will happen doesn't help much. The times I have it are often the times I can't ask for accommodation either. It feeds on itself.
Dec. 1st, 2009 09:08 pm (UTC)
See, it's interesting, because once I've made a decision I'm usually fine with it. It's just getting there that's really difficult, a lot of the time.

But yeah, it's kind of an issue...
Dec. 1st, 2009 09:41 pm (UTC)
This is similar to how I react to open-ended questions. You ask me something with a lot of options or with no clear idea of what type of answer you want, and I have no idea how to answer. I have however gotten better at saying "that's an open-ended question, I can't answer it, rephrase please". And my partner is very good about doing so! Yay.
Dec. 1st, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
Er, I think I failed at clearly stating how this was related - "what do you want to do" is the kind of open-ended question it's near impossible for me to answer. I just end up doing the scene from the jungle book with the vultures - "what d'you want to do?" "I dunno. What d'you want to do?" "I dunno. What d'you want to do?" rinse and repeat.
Dec. 2nd, 2009 06:36 am (UTC)
It's like I wrote this! If I've asked someone to make a decision...it's because I can't. That said, I'm unfairly assuming that they're a lot more decisive than I am :)
Dec. 2nd, 2009 11:48 pm (UTC)
oh dear i wonder what event lead to this post
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )